As I write this I have 12 days to go until my due date and I'm hoping and praying I don't go the full distance. The discomfort at the minute is almost unbearable. Don't get me wrong, I realise the last few weeks of pregnancy are uncomfortable, but what I'd give to have had a 'normal' pregnancy.... I know I'm lucky to even reach this stage, but good gawd, it hasn't been easy getting here. I don't think I've ever faced such a challenge so far in my life.
At my 37 week midwifes appointment, she wrote on my notes that the head was 1/5 engaged... which is good as 5/5 means just engaging and 0/5 means fully engaged, so he seemed to have fallen most of the way. In conversation I just happened to mention that the top of my belly was always rock hard. This led her to some further feeling and a suggestion that I may in fact actually be breech.... Wierd that 2 minutes before she was writing how many 5ths engaged I was in my notes.
As usual, I was out in 5 minutes, still no info, advice or discussion about the labour and birth. Surely this should have happened by now, but each time I go, I feel 'rushed' out and not comfortable to commence a conversation which doesn't require a short answer. I worry if I complained and asked for someone else, there would be a reason I couldn't have someone else (or I would get her when someone was on holiday again as I've seen so many different people), then I would have to go and see her and have her there for my labour. I know I wouldn't feel comfortable if I'd complained about her and then had to depend on her to be there for me, so I sort of feel stuck. She seems a perfectly nice person (albeit a bit 'falsely cheerful and nicey' if you know what I mean) but she doesn't seem to take a personal approach to me in any case.
The next day I attended Airedale for my scan. Happilly I am not breech and the baby is head down. A small complication is that he is back-to-back which makes for a much harder, more painful labour (anything else to throw me fate?). It was a small portable scanner so we couldn't really make much out on the screen, but I think I saw an image of his face looking out and if I was right with what I was looking at, he's a right chubster... looked just like a cabbage patch kid.
My next midwife appointment is in 5 days. The pregnancy symptoms are worsening and I am currently counting the days. I feel very very sick every day, the pressure pressing on my pelvis is very painful (I hear its very uncomfortable even without SPD), the acid indigestion I have is agony and a constant feature in my life every day, I have developed very painful finger joints from carpel tunnel syndrome (yup you can get that when pregnant too, it develops due to excess fluid pressing on a nerve in the wrist), walking is very difficult due to various pains.... in short, I want him here now!!!
To make matters worse, our boiler went on the blink a week ago and the house is like the artic. We're still working with the landlord, manufacturer and engineers to get it fixed, but it seems as soon as something is fixed, something else goes wrong... supposedly someone else is out tomorrow, so I'm keeping everything crossed that it gets sorted then. As much as being very ill, housebound and unable to move about is uncomfortable when youre freezing, I want even less to bring a newborn infant into the deep freeze and have no warm water...
So with 12 days til my due date, i'm praying for the little man to make an early appearance. I have been having cramping pains and sharp pains for a few days now. My belly also seems to have dropped down. I keep thinking the time has come, but each time it eases off again. I'm figuring this is my body getting me ready for the inevitable. They must make you feel so god damn awful in these last few weeks, so rather than be terrified of birth, you just can't wait to get it over and done with.
I'll end this one with a list of lovely pregnancy related issues I have experienced this past 8 1/2 months:
Hospitalisation on several occasions
Severe acid indigestion
Carpal tunnel syndrome
Swelling of ankles, hands & feet
Severe itching everywhere
Feelings of faintness
Pain while walking