39 weeks and last appointment with my midwife

So I've now passed the 39 week stage and currently have 5 days to go until my due date!! Exciting and scary at the same time.

I went to see my midwife yesterday and it seems that will be my last appointment with her. Something I wasn't aware of is that she will not be the midwife there when I give birth. No-one ever told me that. As I'm having my baby at a hospital that is about 12 miles away, it seems I am something called 'Shared Care' which means while I see her for my antenatal appointments (well I've seen her for 4 of them), I will see a midwife from the hospital I'll be going to for the birth. Its a bit scary having to depend on someone you haven't even met to be there for you through one of the most important and challenging experiences of your life. In retrospect its not such a big deal as I don't think my midwife is particularly good anyway, as I don't feel she has done anything for me since I started seeing her. I have had no information, no advice, no planning.... I'm a bit shocked at how little input she has had to be honest.

So my blood pressure is still ok. The babies heartbeat is fine. I am being tested for Obstetric Cholestasis due to severe itching Ive had (and I mean severe, I've scratched myself red raw and have broken the skin all down both shins). This is a liver disorder sometimes developed in pregnancy where your liver does not rid the body of bile and it builds up. It can be pretty dangerous for the baby, so I'm hoping I get the all clear. The midwife said she would call me today with the results.... she didn't... that's no big shock. If I don't get a call tomorrow, I'll give the GP surgery a call myself.

There was a 3rd year student nurse there and a doctor when I went in for my appointment. The student nurse did the stomach palpation to check the size and position of the baby. Now last week my midwife told me I was 1/5's engaged which is more of less fully engaged (0/5's is fully engaged). The nurse however said I was 'brim' which basically means the baby hasn't descended into the pelvis yet (this would be 5/5's). You get to feeling these people don't know their arse from their elbow and all the while I have no idea whats going on. The only reason I know what all this means is from researching it myself. The midwife has never given me any information.

So lastly the midwife said if I hadn't gone into labour by 9th March (a week over) I would need a stretch and sweep done. This is basically where they do an internal and sweep a finger around the cervix to try to stretch it and to separate the membranes which connect the baby from the neck of my womb. This in turn should make me produce hormones which triggers labour. This sometimes works and the woman goes into labour the same day.. other times its unsuccessful. Apparently its very uncomfortable, so we're hoping it doesn't get to a week over!

If we have no joy with that, I will be booked in for an induction on 14th March (12 days late). I really REALLY don't want that, so fingers crossed I'll go into labour naturally in the next week or so.

So folks, this could be the last blog before Isaacs arrival! Hopefully a story of a nice straightforward birth and lots of cute pictures will follow :o). We can but hope!

37 -38 Weeks & Presentation Scan

As I write this I have 12 days to go until my due date and I'm hoping and praying I don't go the full distance. The discomfort at the minute is almost unbearable. Don't get me wrong, I realise the last few weeks of pregnancy are uncomfortable, but what I'd give to have had a 'normal' pregnancy.... I know I'm lucky to even reach this stage, but good gawd, it hasn't been easy getting here. I don't think I've ever faced such a challenge so far in my life.

At my 37 week midwifes appointment, she wrote on my notes that the head was 1/5 engaged... which is good as 5/5 means just engaging and 0/5 means fully engaged, so he seemed to have fallen most of the way. In conversation I just happened to mention that the top of my belly was always rock hard. This led her to some further feeling and a suggestion that I may in fact actually be breech.... Wierd that 2 minutes before she was writing how many 5ths engaged I was in my notes.

As usual, I was out in 5 minutes, still no info, advice or discussion about the labour and birth. Surely this should have happened by now, but each time I go, I feel 'rushed' out and not comfortable to commence a conversation which doesn't require a short answer. I worry if I complained and asked for someone else, there would be a reason I couldn't have someone else (or I would get her when someone was on holiday again as I've seen so many different people), then I would have to go and see her and have her there for my labour. I know I wouldn't feel comfortable if I'd complained about her and then had to depend on her to be there for me, so I sort of feel stuck. She seems a perfectly nice person (albeit a bit 'falsely cheerful and nicey' if you know what I mean) but she doesn't seem to take a personal approach to me in any case.

The next day I attended Airedale for my scan. Happilly I am not breech and the baby is head down. A small complication is that he is back-to-back which makes for a much harder, more painful labour (anything else to throw me fate?). It was a small portable scanner so we couldn't really make much out on the screen, but I think I saw an image of his face looking out and if I was right with what I was looking at, he's a right chubster... looked just like a cabbage patch kid.

My next midwife appointment is in 5 days. The pregnancy symptoms are worsening and I am currently counting the days. I feel very very sick every day, the pressure pressing on my pelvis is very painful (I hear its very uncomfortable even without SPD), the acid indigestion I have is agony and a constant feature in my life every day, I have developed very painful finger joints from carpel tunnel syndrome (yup you can get that when pregnant too, it develops due to excess fluid pressing on a nerve in the wrist), walking is very difficult due to various pains.... in short, I want him here now!!!

To make matters worse, our boiler went on the blink a week ago and the house is like the artic. We're still working with the landlord, manufacturer and engineers to get it fixed, but it seems as soon as something is fixed, something else goes wrong... supposedly someone else is out tomorrow, so I'm keeping everything crossed that it gets sorted then. As much as being very ill, housebound and unable to move about is uncomfortable when youre freezing, I want even less to bring a newborn infant into the deep freeze and have no warm water...

So with 12 days til my due date, i'm praying for the little man to make an early appearance. I have been having cramping pains and sharp pains for a few days now. My belly also seems to have dropped down. I keep thinking the time has come, but each time it eases off again. I'm figuring this is my body getting me ready for the inevitable. They must make you feel so god damn awful in these last few weeks, so rather than be terrified of birth, you just can't wait to get it over and done with.

I'll end this one with a list of lovely pregnancy related issues I have experienced this past 8 1/2 months:

Severe hyperemesis

Dehydration

Hospitalisation on several occasions

SPD

Severe acid indigestion

Carpal tunnel syndrome

Swelling of ankles, hands & feet

Joint pain

Back pain

Severe itching everywhere

Insomnia

Anaemia

Dizziness

Feelings of faintness

Breathlessness

Pain while walking

36 Weeks & Antenatal Class

Yesterday marked me reaching the 36 week landmark... only 1 week away from what they call 'Full-Term' (meaning that realistically our baby could be born at any time now as he's as cooked as he's going to get). It also marks 28 days away from my actual due date. 28 days... that's a scary thought. In a short month, we 2 shall be 3. I can't imagine it somehow and think it will take him being actually born for it to sink in. I mean, how could us 2 halfwits be parents right?

My symptoms haven't changed much, just got more pronounced. My hyperemesis does seem to have come back properly though complete with vomitting which is upsetting as it means I'll probably spend my labour throwing up all the way through, as women with the condition tend to. Don't get me wrong the condition has never gone away as such, its always been there. I've never lost that 'sick feeling' since I was 5 weeks pregnant, but I have been feeling capable of eating (and even enjoying) a few choice foods for this past 2 months or so. That reprieve though has now left me again, so its a final 4 weeks of forcing down anything I can stomach.

The SPD is still with me and the physio I was shown doesn't seem to be making any difference truth be told. That I can deal with though.

My stomach feels like its ready to burst and my belly button has almost popped completely out now (Ive always been squeamish about belly buttons, so i'm not enjoying that bit) . The stretch marks are intensifying and I have the most horrendous itching from stretching skin. Its not an easy job, this baby making malarky... or should I say baby incubating as the making bit was certainly not an arduous task.

This week we went along to an antenatal class. It was one of those 'Introduce Yourself' and wear a name badge affairs, which I've always found cringe-worthy. Then they separate you into 'teams' so you're not with your partner, which I didn't really see the point of as you're going to be mixing with others in your group anyway. I didn't particularly learn anything and I felt it was a poor choice of a person who runs the class as she is an advocate of home births, a fact she made clear right from the start of the class. Fair enough, that's what she does, but for a group of women all of which are having hospital births as its their first one, it doesn't really help to constantly have it pointed out how 'wrong' or 'backward' the hospital way of doing it is....

One fact I did come away with which was useful was the fact Airedale Hospital where I'm having the baby allows you to give birth in a birthing pool. The helpful website says that you can labour in the pool, but must get out to actually give birth, which sort of defeated the point for me. A water birth would have been my first choice before the restrictions at Airedale were pointed out. Seems now though that they do offer birthing in the pool and they just haven't changed the website yet!

So goodbye to epidural and hello to the birthing pool for me.

34 Weeks & Physiotherapists Appointment

Today marks me reaching the 34 week mark in my pregnancy (see 2nd pic for a 34 week baby).

I am definately starting to feel different and the effects that pregnancy are having on my body. This past week my sickness has returned with a vengeance but with it has come some concerning symptoms. Severe dizziness, heaviness in my arms and legs, visual disturbance and weakness. I have some close to collapse a couple of times while out doing very small errands. I don't push myself and do very little as I know I am not up to anything more, but the simple act of 10 minutes in Asda and walking back out to my car had me reeling and rocking back on my heels. Thankfully I got to my car ok, but I honestly thought I was going to pass out in the carpark.

Being a bit worried about Pre-Eclampsia with these new symptoms I made an appointment with the doctor who seemed a bit confused with why I was there and what I was worried about as all of these symptoms are normal symptoms of pregnancy. Better to be safe than sorry surely? I honestly didn't think almost collapsing after 10 minutes on your feet was normal. He took my blood pressure which was 117/78. Perfect bp, but low for me. I usually sit around 140/90, at the high end of normal. I did tell him that and he explained that a low bp was normal in the first and third trimesters of pregnancy.

I may feel awful and have been advised I have to rest and put my feet up as much as possible, but at least I know I don't have anything serious wrong with me which helps me relax a little.

The physiotherapist gave me a lot of useful information about movements to avoid, exercises to do, tips on other ways to move and explained exactly what was going on. I have a traumatic rupture of the symphsis pubis and have been told to limit movement as much as I can. Even something as simple as how I get in and out of a car can badly effect me. They also gave me a great tip about turning in bed which is agony for me right now, which sucks as I can only lie on ay one side for a maximum of 15 minutes. Rather than try to roll over onto my other side, I should completly flip the other way on the bed so my head is at the bottom. This turns me onto my other side without the roll. I'll try that one tonight.

Another symptom which I had escaped so far was the tiredness, but that had caught up with me this past week as well. I am completely exhausted and wiped out. I feel like I could sleep on a log at the minute during the day but I lie wide awake in bed at night. I don't understand why as I don't give in to sleeping through the day, for fear of lying awake at night. I suppose Im getting well prepared for the sleepless nights ahead of me. I just hope the first few months of Isaacs life are easier than the pregnancy has been. I can honestly say this past 7 months have been the hardest of my life to this stage.

Its very clear to me now how women in late pregnancy feel so uncomfortable. Looking at the diagram showing the displacement of organs during pregnancy, its not surprising im suffering from breathlessness, nausea and chronic indigestion. I long for my body back and I don't mean weight or a flat stomach... just feeling normal again and not constantly ill and tired.

A lot of normal activities are now no-gos for me and I find I'm not capable of very much at all. With 6 weeks to go until my due date, I have a feeling its going to be a very long month and a half.

32 - 33 Weeks

I reached 33 weeks pregnant 2 days ago. Only 47 days to go for me now. In one way it seems to be getting ever closer, yet in another is seems to be dragging.

My sickness is pretty bad again and I've had to request more anti nausea meds from my doctor. It is quite common when you suffer from Hyperemesis to have it worsen again near to the end so seems I'm text book. The SPD continues to worsen. I have physio though which starts on Wednesday 19th January at Bradford Royal Infirmary so I'm hoping they can give me some suggestions.

I'm amazed by how much my belly is growing now. I'm massive and its only going to get bigger. I have a feeling this is going to be a big baby. My mum treated me to the knowledge last night that I had a great uncle who was almost a stone when born (13 lbs something).... No thank-you! I was a hefty baby too at 8lb 10oz, so the likelihood is, he's going to be bigger rather than smaller. The stretchmarks are already starting in earnest so I'll have a nice map of those soon too.

Right now my mind is very pre-occupied by the fact my good friend Leah suffered from an ectopic pregnancy and had to have emergency surgery yesterday. I feel so lucky to have reached this stage. I feel sad and distressed for her. Just goes to show what a miracle having a baby actually is and is something that should never be taken for granted.

30 - 31 Weeks

Yesterday I reached the 31 weeks mark. In 6 short weeks I will reach what it known as 'term'. This isn't my due date but the date by which the baby is fully matured and ready to be born at any time. In 9 weeks, I will hopefully be holding our son and this bit, which hasn't been very enjoyable for me, will be over.

At the minute I suffering from quite bad nausea again. Today is an especially bad day. I can't find any fluid to drink which doesn't bring on the desire to be sick yet I am constantly thirsty. Bit of a crap situation to be honest. All I can do is hope tomorrow is a better day. Some days are not so bad, some are horrid.

The SPD is getting increasingly worse as times rolls on as well. Night time is crazy. Getting up for the loo is torture and i've started finding walking at that time, next to near impossible. Turning over feels like my pelvis is going to split in 2. I think I've resigned myself to the fact physiotherapy is no longer just an option, but a necessity. I'm hoping they'll give me some crutches or a stick to help, especially on night time toilet trips.

The baby is also moving about a lot right now. I can only think he's doing somersaults as thats what it feels like. Theres also a lot of bum and feet sticking out going on where I feel my side stretching and something bulging out. Its always in bed at night so I can't see whats going on.

I have my midwife appointment on Wednesday. Hopefully I'll get to see my actual midwife this time and soon will start to discuss birth options and methods of pain relief as all your hear about is how horrific childbirth is, which is less than comforting when you still have to go through it and you have no idea what to expect. I know every mother says its worth it when they hold their baby, but thats easy to say when youre on the other side of it. I know I'll manage it and I know it'll be worth it, but it doesn't stop me being terrified.

Today brought news that a friend is also pregnant which is excellent news as she's been trying for a while. It'll be nice that 2011 will bring babies to both of us first time mums.

26 - 29 Weeks

I realised this evening, I hadn't written in my pregnancy diary for a while (lazy bugger). I wanted to document all 40 weeks, so must try harder!

There has been little in the way of big changes in the last few weeks. I have definately grown larger (although strangely not heavier). My belly is growing and is quite hard to the touch now. Baby Davy (I think its maybe safe to call him Isaac now as we havent changed our minds) moves a lot which is oddly comforting if a little freaky sometimes. The oddest thing is the rolls he does sometimes which makes me feel like that guy from Alien, lol. I can see his movements and kicks through my clothes but when I try to pull up my jumper to watch him moving about, he remains remarkably still. Playing statues at an early age.....

I lost 17 pounds in the first couple of months of pregnancy from illness. I have since put back on that 17 pounds and another 2 pounds on top which puts me on track for a normal pregnancy weight gain. Thats something Im glad about as I imagined I would put on much much more weight. It was hard losing the 3 stones I did in the 2 years leading up to my wedding, so I knew I would have a tendency to gain weight at a fast pace. I'm just glad my pregnancy illness has not affected the baby in any way.

My sickness again has stayed much the same. I have only been sick once in the past month. Although I tend to feel ill every day from mid afternoon straight through until bedtime, I am still able to eat (albeit a very limited diet) and I have a period of time every morning and lunchtime where I have a few hours break from the ick monster. Knowing there is only 2 and 1/2 months to go somehow makes it easier to deal with.

The hip pain has unfortunately worsened and I will be asking the midwife when I see her on 5th January to refer me for physio. Nightime in bed is agony and I am nearing being almost unable to roll over at all. Getting up for the loo is a nightmare so I try to avoid drinking much a few hours before bed. Im hoping it improves after the birth although worringly the birth can make it worse. As with everything people have different experiences of it so I'll just have to wait and see what happens with me.

We had a 4D scan at 27 weeks which was exciting! It was lovely to see his face and reassuring that everything looked ok. While I didn't get all emotional and gooey like most mums to be maybe would (I dont get why I dont...) it was something im glad we did. While I was having the scan I thought he looked a lot like Darren, but wasn't sure if I was imagining things. Afterwards, ive been told by about 6 different people that he looks like Darren and nothing like me, lol. I hope theres a little something of me in there somewhere when he pops out but it is nice that he looks so much like his dad :o)

I'm getting to the stage where Im getting everything ready and just looking forward to having him here. Its 10 weeks to go and I'm so glad to have made it this far with everything being ok. Labour still terrifies me, but if all those other women have done it, Im sure I'll manage.

Bring on the drugs!!!